Dealing with drama on the job is one of the worst parts of being an executive. It gets the potential to suck the life span out of you, and to kill your motivation, and for many of my clients, it leaves them wondering: "Why did I choose this career?" The best exemplory case of that is one my clients - we shall call him John.
John could be the CEO of a production company. He hates drama. You can literally see his skin crawl when he covers it. His face scrunches up. His shoulders tighten and he winces when he covers the newest drama of the day. "I just don't get it. What is everyone's problem? Why can't they only do their work? It's like coping with children." Then his body crumbles, and he looks defeated. Exhausted. Helpless. Weighed down.
We are able to all relate genuinely to John. We have all experience political situations that we choose to forget. Those instances when we're caught in a top of workplace drama - one person is upset, gossip in the organization is rampant, and we feel such as for instance a ping pong ball even as we bounce around trying to create sense of the issue. So, what's an executive to complete? If you are caught in drama, how do you get free from this dark hole?
To start, let's speak about what never to do. John illustrates this well. Everytime John experiences drama, he avoids it. He literally shuts down. His face goes blank. He starts to squirm, and he typically nods in a placating way. Not surprisingly, the placating nod does the most harm. When he nods, people feel understood, nevertheless when John he takes no action, they get mad. End result? They attack John. Dramacool They whisper in the lunch room: "What's his problem? He doesn't do anything!" Many people get angry. The irony is that now folks have a fresh issue to bond around - John's deadbeat behaviour. It's not surprising that John has 45% turnover in his company. Not good.
So, the thing that was John doing wrong? Well, several things. For starters, he distanced himself from the drama to the level he escalated the problem. By distancing himself, John became area of the drama problem because nothing got handled in a constructive way.
Among the basic principles of coping with drama at the office is to acknowledge your emotional patterns once you encounter drama and to acknowledge how your typical reaction contributes to the problem. Does it escalate it? Enable others? Or diffuse it? If John could self-manage his reactions better, he could have taken a different tactic when employees came to him about issues. He may have expressed confidence within their ability to handle the specific situation constructively, facilitated the development of a behavioural code of conduct, or earned a talented alternative party to simply help them. Instead, he was so busy managing his own anxiety, nothing got done.
Second, he created a "drama triangle" - a seductive high energy interaction which include blaming, defensive behaviour, and rescuing. Drama triangles are recognizably consistent no real matter what the details of the specific situation and they include these roles:
The Persecutor: "This company is such a hole." "I can't believe the grade of management." "It's all John's fault." "That VP, Sales is really a real idiot." All the energy goes into finding someone or something at fault for all your company's problems. Blaming somebody else makes people feel much better and, of course, it means other people have to change, not you.
The Victim: "I tried my best." "I couldn't get through." "They did this to me." This is the victim in the drama. They make use of a helpless tone, and don't take personal responsibility. They could try to find anyone to rescue them, or at fault, to be able to get rid of their negative feelings.
The Rescuer: Rescuers need a victim to feel good. They are "do-gooders" without boundaries. "Let me fix this. Let me take this on." "I will save the day." "Let me rescue this poor person who was hard done by." Rescuers may try to simply help people without having to be asked, or they take a twisted pleasure in getting their nose into other people's drama.
Many people learn the ability of being a persecutor, victim, or rescuer as children and they continue doing this behaviour within their career without having to be alert to it. As an executive, if you take part in this behaviour or react to it, you will escalate the drama and there would have been a price to pay for - people won't want to work for you, you will feel drained at the office, and you will produce a negative culture.
To break the cycle, you'll need setting the tone of personal accountability, respect, choice, and principled behaviour in your organization and work culture. Here are some specific tactics:
- Watch out for drama triangles and begin to look closely at who is playing the role of persecutor, victim, and rescuer. Be mindful which role you have a tendency to play.
-Consider the payoff in your organization to take on a specific role. Are people "bonding" with one another when they have somebody else at fault? Are they avoiding coping with the complexity of issues by blaming one person? Do the "victims" get pity? Do people feel sorry for them, or stay clear, thereby giving them power? Are you currently creating dependence in your organization by rescuing people? Self-righteousness?
- Explore what's being avoided by participating in the drama. Are there some deeper issues in the organization that have to be addressed? If that's the case, what're they?
- Notice your reactions to drama. What are you doing? Not doing? What are you taking responsibility for? Maybe you have agreed to complete significantly more than you want to?
- Whenever you get triggered by an episode, focus on grounding yourself. Don't handle the drama until you will get involved without escalating your own emotional reaction.
- Facilitate a wholesome outcome by focusing on principles - respect, honesty, and making agreements that work. Observe that the more intense the drama, the harder it is to get people to come up with a wholesome outcome.
-If you are too near the issue available, get a facilitator or executive coach to facilitate healthy dialogue.
No comments:
Post a Comment